When a baby is born, their sole survival depends on forming an attachment with their parents. The infant has an instinctual need to establish a functional attachment bond with their caregivers to ensure all their needs are met, or they will die. The infant cries, smiles, coos, reaches out and makes numerous attempts to establish this life sustaining bond. Responsive parents in turn read their infant’s cues and respond by giving their baby warmth, love, acceptance, nurturing, safety and sustenance. Infant survival and long-term happiness, health and success as an adult, depends solely on the quality of this attachment bond.
When the infant forms a secure attachment, they can start to relax as they now know their needs will be met in a predictable manner. Malformed attachments between infant and parents happen when the infant reaches out in some way e.g. through touch, sound or eye contact, but the parent either does not respond, or responds inconsistently or harmfully. This infant is instantly “on alert” as their bids for attention and attachment are not being met efficiently, effectively and predictably. Dysfunctional attachment results in considerable insecurity and anxiety for the infant as they feel neither secure nor loved. The infant instinctively knows that failure to form a functional attachment may result in their death, from lack of nutrition, warmth, or safety. The infant learns that they have to be strategic, cry harder or longer, or maybe not cry at all to get their needs met.
In the brain, attachment bonds are formed and maintained through an energetic connection termed “limbic resonance” which involves the mesocorticolimbic and nigrostriatal dopaminergic reward pathways. These are ironically the same areas of the brain that light up when stimulated by a screen. Hence the dichotomy begins. The limbic system is where early attachment experiences are encoded in the infant brain’s implicit memory systems for the duration of their lives. The limbic system is activated whenever an infant is in an ‘attachment dance’ with their parents, or not. An infant who is exposed to neglect, abuse or trauma has a limbic system which is wired very differently. When an infant reaches out to their caregivers in some way, say they cry, and the parent is on their phone and ignores the invite to connect, the infant becomes extremely stressed and upset. The Still Face Experiment by Dr. Edward Tronick best illustrates an infant’s response to a present, but non-responsive parent.
When the infant fails to form a healthy connection (or attachment) with their parent, they feel vulnerable and lost. They might look at the parent and see their parent attached to a screen and hard as they try, cannot manage to get their attention. Infants and children learn through “social modeling” e.g. they learn by watching their parents that they can also calm their anxiety and soothe their soul by looking at a screen. The screen-addicted parent is essentially avoiding intimacy with the infant, and instead is forming an unhealthy attachment with their screen. The infant, in the absence of an attentive parent, by default attaches to their own screen. Failure of primary attachment is the origin of screen addiction. Both the parent and the infant fear the life sustaining intimacy that they so desire, and instead look to the screen to meet their primary attachment needs.
While attachment to screens might fulfil an immediate need for novelty and stimulation, the hundreds and thousands of hours humans spend staring at screens is ending in a wasteland of empty promises and dreams. There is no depth in screens, only breadth. “Looking for love in all the wrong places” is a quote that rings the bell here. Whether we are an infant and parent dyad, or in relationship with partners, friends, family, or coworkers, we are all looking to each other to form life sustaining relationships. We are all looking for love. The sad dichotomy is the shear volume of time we endlessly spend looking for love on a screen, instead of turning to our flesh and blood humans who are right there looking for the same thing.
Spending time on screens is not sustainable and is leading humanity into an oblivion devoid of everything we need to survive.
